dont trust me .

"You're sexy."
"You say I'm sexy all the time."
"How about, you're beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning. Amazing."

Must you do this again?
Must you play these games with me too?
You're just setting me up to drop me on my face.
I'm trying not to trust you.
I'm trying to save myself.
I'm failing and I know it.
All of this shouldn't even be happening.
You're just convenient.

oh boy .

"I'm trying to push you away, but you just keep coming back!"
I don't want him around me.
I bite my lip.
NO! DON'T YOU DARE BITE YOUR LIP WHEN IT COMES TO HIM.
Once I bite my lip I know he has me.
Everything I say, he just says something else to contradict me.
To make me want to bite my lip.
But I can't.
Not for him.
My mind doesn't want to.
But I do.
He makes me want to, but I can't.
More of I think I shouldn't.
I barely know anything.
Then again, I barely know myself.
I try and find myself, but I get lost every time.
I want to so badly, but my mind keeps telling me
No. Don't you dare. If you do, you'll be making a mistake. A Big one.
I try to convince myself that he's not worth it.
But his words constantly run through my mind.
Those words, they just don't stop.
Over and over again.
They run through my mind.
They just don't stop.
Everything I see makes me think of him.
Everything.
I look at a bottle, I think about the times we joke about getting piss drunk.
I look at my iPod, I think about the music we talk about.
I look at my homework, I think about our discussions on school.
I look at anything and I see him.
I see his face.
I hear his words.
But I can't go there.
It's a locked room, but I have the key.
I refuse to unlock that door.

Ever Live?

Ever hate?
Ever been in lust?
Ever cried for no reason?
Ever wanted something you knew you couldn't have?
Ever stopped yourself from doing something?
Ever felt like you shouldn't trust?
Ever wanted to scream at the top of your lungs?
Ever been so frustrated you couldn't stand it?
Ever felt played?
Ever felt used?

I know I can say yes to all these. Can you?